Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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