Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
