I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
