Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
