Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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