Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
