Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
