I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
