oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
