Cold hands, warm shart.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize