i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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