mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
