what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
