I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
