So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
