As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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