She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
