we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
These tits shall not be calmed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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