I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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