She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
