Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
