i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
