I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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