I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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