Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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