i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
