I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
