i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
A bitchslap is in order.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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