the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do vagina's smell?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
