I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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