I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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