Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The uberlube is also flammable
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize