guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
wow bdsm is so cute
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize