I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
