Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My liver just had a heart attack.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
