oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I still have a little drunk in my system
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize