If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
one might say we're banned from that church
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
