We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize