You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
