I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
