i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize