; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
