he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
