I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
