Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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