BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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