Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
