Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
