when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize