you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
