Swine flu. Run for my life!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
