I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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