all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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