He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize