bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
