I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
