I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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