separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
