I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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