i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
