I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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