haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
