you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
