First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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