once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
There are leaves in my underwear?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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