and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
