she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
