but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
